Dear husband got out of the Army on November 20th. We had a surprise party for him and he was legitimately surprised! Mission accomplished there! He had a job lined up but then it fell through and he had to pick up some temp work here and there. That turned out to be a disaster that we will discuss MUCH later. He finally has a job with a local business and there is A LOT of opportunity for learning and growth so we are both very excited.
Prior to him getting out of the Army, he emotional withdrew and things started to fall apart. He talked less and interacted with the kids and I minimally. He kinda just sat in his chair and zoned out. I can’t count the number of times I wanted to drag that recliner into the yard and set it on fire. That’s how much he sat in it. He really based his identity on his service. Now that he was about to be discharged, what was he without it? I can’t say I blame him. How many of us have gained our identity through our occupations? I’m pretty certain he isn’t the only service member out there who put duty first and everything else after. He began pushing us away in the hope that we would give up on him and he would have less of a chance to disappoint us. Say what? I couldn’t believe that he felt that way! We all loved him so dearly. In his mind, though, it made perfect sense.
It was pretty difficult for me to get him to understand where his true identity came from. His true identity is in the things that cannot be changed: father, husband, son of God. Well, they can all be changed but you would have to give them all up. He then realized what he was doing wrong. He focused deeply on his career for the past 12 years and for the past 6, he had slowly pulled away from myself, the children, and sometimes even his faith. When it came down to the nitty gritty, I asked him if he could live without me as a wife, the kids as his children, God as his Heavenly Father, and the Army as a career. It put a lot into perspective for him. He knew he couldn’t live without myself, the kids, and God. I also helped him to realize that another aspect of his identity is being a helper. He ALWAYS helps people or wants to help people even if it negatively impacts him. Regardless, he finds great joy in helping others.
As for myself, I guess I always knew at the very least that I was a wife, mother, and daughter of Christ. Lately, I’ve realized that I was also a servant. Not a servant in a slave kind of way, but one who serves and has a servant’s heart. I find the greatest joy in serving others. My job revolves around providing the best possible care for my patients and clients. I serve in volunteer capacities at both our church and Reboot as hospitality. I’m always thinking of a way to make a difference and possibly help others. I love serving!
What’s your identity? Are you a servant, too? Maybe you’re a helper or a fixer? I’m pretty sure there are some natural born leaders out there, too! Chime in on my Facebook page and let me know!!!
Prayer: Heavenly Father, thank you for making each and every one of us unique. Thank you for making a plan for each of our lives. We are doing our best to live out those plans. Help us remain on the right path and keep our eyes on you! Amen.
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